i am disgusting!

So i saw a picture of me from New years eve last night and was embarrassed, enraged, disgusted, sad, and everything else it entails. I was even more embarrassed that someone tagged me in this photo on facebook, i pray that i untagged myself in time before anyone saw it that would judge me but, the damage is already done in my mind! I was getting so happy with my body before cancer, it was finally getting back to the way it was before i had kids, turns out that was help from the cancer, then i started treatments and with the steroids in the "potion" i gained back all of it! I gained 40 pounds! I'm 5'2 every pound i gain is noticeable. Of course my hubby is so sweet and keeps telling me i am beautiful no matter what, blah blah. But i know I'm my mind i am not happy. So starting today, no not tomorrow TODAY, i am going to lose this weight! I used to love being in pictures and taking them. Now every time i see a camera i run, i will try to find that picture i seen last night and post it only for "get myself in gear value"! So make fun of it all you want but i wont look like this for long, i cant get pregnant again until i am happy with my body, so theres motivation there as well! How fast and healthy can i do it. You be the judge of that. I have to say, yesterday and today has been very healthy so far, so i am happy with that. Here's to a new me!